You know what? I take back what I said before. Spelunker is totally worth five dollars. It's not the kind of game that will make you shoot steaming froth out of every orifice, but Spelunker is a tightly compacted little ball of entertainment that's just challenging enough to make you feel like you've gotten your money's worth.
That is, if you give it a chance. You're willing to give it a chance, aren't you?
People complain a lot about Spelunker on the Internet.
I know, it's crazy! But it's true.
"It's too hard," they say. "The controls suck. Your guy dies when you fall like two inches. What were they thinking when they made this game? What drugs were they on?"
Well, no, it's not too hard. I played through it five times over the last week, actually. It's challenging, sure, but when a game's only four levels long, it needs to be at least a little challenging.
The controls are a little weird at first, yeah. But here's the thing: if you play the game for a while, you eventually get used to how it controls. The ropes and ladders are kind of a bastard no matter how good you are, but if you play enough, you'll find yourself getting better at the game and dying less. I know it sounds insane, but trust me.
And yes, your guy dies from falling. That's why you shouldn't fall.
See?
The first time you play Spelunker, you're going to die quickly. If you can, try and choke back the urge to register your disgust at GameFAQs and begin the game over again from the beginning. No, there are no continues, but it's okay.
On your second try, you'll notice that you get a little further. You'll remember the mistakes you've made the first time, and you'll learn from them. Maybe you'll get lucky and grab a couple of extra lives from the little sparkly items and make it all the way to level two.
After a few more restarts, you'll find that the ropes and ladders aren't proving to be as much of a problem as they once were. You'll optimize paths through levels, minimizing risks and trying to effectively manage the energy recharges. Maybe -- God help you -- you'll actually start to have fun with the game.
A modest amount of time later, you'll have beaten Spelunker. You may even go back for the second loop, in which the keys are invisible. They're not too hard to seek out, though, as your previous playthroughs likely burned their positions in your memory.
You'll finish the game again in a surprisingly quick amount of time. You'll try the third loop, which will confuse you until you realize that not only are the keys invisible, but you need to jump to collect them. The fourth loop makes you shoot off a flare before keys become collectible. The fact that there are only a limited number of flares in the game gives it a new degree of challenge, and by this point, you'll feel more than ready to accept it.
Halfway through the fourth loop, you'll feel like you've accomplished something. You've conquered a game that many consider difficult. Where others have given up in a whiny rage, you've persevered. You've won, and you'll feel like a better person for it.
Buy Spelunker. It's fun, and it will make you a better person.
